Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
