You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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