just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
