no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
