Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the raccoons are back...
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