Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
