yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
