I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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