I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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