1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
