My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
