Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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