Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
