remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
