new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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