Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
