I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
