Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
