I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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