im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
