the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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