so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
