shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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