are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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