It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
