Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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