There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
