We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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