New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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