i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
