Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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