I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How's work?
Spinning.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize