sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
