Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
