i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
