I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
