I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
