you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
