try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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