does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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