You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize