Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
