I want to have your abortion
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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