i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
