theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
