Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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