Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
