apparently the secret to your success is patron
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
