my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
