I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
