I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
