Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
