An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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