if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
