I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
