If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
