once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
