its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
