There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize