I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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