i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
