well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
