I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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