The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
