ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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