Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
