Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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