fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
