You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
