While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
