Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
