I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We left the knife in your bed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize